Executive Dysfunction is Kicking My Ass

June 24th, 2023 — 4:10P.M.

fuck having adhd for real. i feel useless like i cant do anything! theres just this huge roadblock ahead of me whenever i try to do anything that is insurmountable. ill take my medication and still i rarely ever get anything accomplished while im on it. its ridiculous. it makes me look like a lazy idiot and im sick of it. people dont understand what it feels like to have adhd, you tell them you have it and they just assume you have difficulty with attention. like, its so much more than that, and it impacts me daily, and to my professors and my mom i just look like a lazy, procrastinating, flippant piece of shit, when in reality im struggling to do fucking ANYTHING, not out of negligence, but just because my fucking brain doesnt work right! why did i have to be born like this. every goddamn day i struggle and i wish i didnt have to.

i didnt want to get worked up talking about it but whatever. im probably not even done, itll come up in future blogs, too, because again, this is something i deal with daily. im tired of it. i probably either need a higher dose of adderall or i need to switch medications because theyre not doing much for me anymore besides making me sweat like a sinner in church.

i should be doing my homework, i have like three overdue assignments, but i just cant make myself do them. like theres just this giant wall in front of me that goes for miles in every direction. how am i supposed to get over that? like, what the fuck, genuinely? im so, so tired of it all. i hope i can get my shit together for when artfight starts, because i want to beat my record from last year... which was 48 attacks including friendly fires and revenges. i also want to animate more this year. sigh...