So... I'm Broke

June 19th, 2023 — 5:18P.M.

im supposed to be doing homework right now but my brain wont focus on it. it is instead making me focus on literally anything else, like collecting blinkies for my deco page. such is the life of adhd-havers i suppose. i've been thinking of getting notion, i think it's an app that helps you with to-do lists and stuff? my friend cay uses it and they seem to like it so... :V

in other news i am very broke. my family is poor. and it is grating on me how terrible it makes me feel to beg for money. or even beg people to commission me... it makes me feel like my life is worthless and my art is also worthless when i barely get any help. i know money is hard to come by for most people my age so i shouldnt expect much, but it still stings to struggle so much and get zip in return when asking for help. like, i am laying myself bare here, even a couple dollars helps out... sighs. im just waiting until august hits and i get a financial aid refund so i can stop begging on twitter dot com. if anyone reading this feels so inclined, my ko-fi, paypal.me, and cashapp ($pkspsapphire) are all open to be donated to... just sayin......

in other news ive been listening to a bunch of asmr. it doesnt give me "tingles" or whatever, i just think the sounds are nice. pleasing to my ears. i've been watching a bunch of rose asmr because i like the quality of her whispering and the clicking noises she makes. she's very gentle.

trigger warning for self harm ahead

click here to read

i took a utility knife to my face again. im not leaving huge marks, im just basically opening up pimples that wont pop when i squeeze them because im apparently obsessed with doing that. ive been getting urges to self harm for real though so i think its dangerous to have not only one but TWO utility knives within reach of me at all times. i cant get rid of at least one because i use it for work though, so...

anyway, that's about it in regards to what's going on for me. i think. seeya next time!