Daisy and Reminiscing

June 16th, 2023 — 2:13P.M.

it's been about two weeks (6/3/23) since one of my dogs died. her name was daisy and she lived to be 10 years old. she had a pyometra and the surgery was, like, 7.4k USD, which my family couldn't afford, so... we had to make the choice to put her down. she would have died painfully from the pyometra had we not made that decision, but the guilt still wracks me. i was the only person present at the emergency vet since my sister was 45 minutes away and my mom was dogsitting. i stayed with her in her final moments, my hand laid upon her fur, so she knew i was there.

i just hope she knew she was loved. i'm still working on getting over not blaming myself for kona's death, which happened earlier this year. after all, i and my family are responsible for these dogs' lives, and it's hard not to feel guilt when they die. in kona's case, it was a freak accident. i was alone that time, too. it's hard when things happen and you don't have the money to solve those things. it makes you feel helpless, and the guilt wracks up even more when your pets' lives are involved.

we still have 4 other dogs. duke the chocolate lab is about 11 years old, so he's the oldest. then comes in sailor the chocolate lab and kodi(ak) the yellow lab who are a few days apart in age, but they're both 7 years old. and then we have poppy the yellow lab, who is the baby of the bunch, at about 3 years old, i think. kodi is my dog. i watched him being born, since daisy was his mother, and she birthed his litter in our kitchen. i try not to think of the day i have to say goodbye to him.